From Mariah Carey:

Forget about potatoes, gravy, and cobbler

It’s Christmas time now, so set fire to the gobbler

I’ve never liked turkey– not now, not before

I sure don’t want you standing outside my door

Turkey is pathetic, ain’t no wind beneath its wings

Shut your jerky turkey trap, and listen to me sing

Fall right through the ice, and make my wish come true

I wish for jingle jangle, but who would wish for you?

Call me Vegan Teacher ‘cause I hate your stinky poultry 

With Christmas cheer for all to hear, some turkey sounds bolonga

It’s time for my snowblast, my flurry, my blizzard

Step aside bird, no one wants your gobbly gizzard

You’re nothing but a flocking fool; a waste of space and thought

The green of Christmas is warm and bright– yours is turkey snot

If you think you’re so important, make your expectations lower

Wrap it up, you feathered rat, it’s time Thanksgiving’s over

Holly jolly, we’ll all be when you accept it’s time

Take a hint, you ball of lint, Christmas is sublime

From Turkey:

Patience is a virtue, but simply put, you lack it

You can’t wait for December just to make your pesky racket

I’m unbeatable, paired with gravy and cranberries

Your name may be Mariah, but I’m the one who really carries

You hate the day of giving? You drive everyone insane!

Yes, girl! Give us nothing, nothing but a migraine

Turkey vs Carey? It’s clear that you’re the clown

All I want for Christmas is for you to pipe down

Kindly step off the stage you’ve always tried to steal

Thanksgiving’s long-awaited wrath is what you’re sure to feel

Make some room for the turkey, for a feast is soon to come

Try to hit your high notes now, you’ll eat, and you’ll leave crumbs

All you do is make our ears bleed, explode, and sting

I never knew tone-deaf till the day I heard you sing

Over and over, you just screech, “It’s time!”

Your amount of decibels truly should be made a crime

When will you retire? Your voice is getting hoarse

It’s a wrap for you, Mariah, but I’m still the main course