Haircuts. A staple in creative expression, they have been in our lives for about 6000 years. From early ancient Egyptians cutting hair with sharpened flint to modern barbers buzzing a low taper fade with precision, it’s clear that they hold a valuable place in society. But what if I told you this life-changing invention was never introduced to the most neglected minority in the hair community? For too long, bald people have been denied an outlet to express their lack of luscious locks and I think it’s time for that to change. In this article, I hope to introduce four innovative new haircuts that will shake the bald community to its core.
#1: The Cue Ball
Picture a shiny white ball, dashing around the pool table, bouncing into similarly shaped spheres. The precision of this white ball is impeccable, knocking every target into its pocket without fail. Now imagine this guaranteed precision in everyday life. With the Cue Ball cut, the bald people of the world can harness this precision as the defining gleam it gives off the ol’ dome ensures accuracy, whether at game nights, trivia nights, or even the workplace. The versatility of the Cue Ball cut will finally allow the bald community to find a bit of party in their otherwise mundane, inconsequential lives.
#2 The Bezos
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. Mr. Clean. Jeff Bezos. What do all of these men have in common? They’re rich, powerful, and most importantly, bald. Their elusive status leads many to question how they became so influential. The secret? The Bezos. This high-brow haircut gives off an intensifying sheen that’s proven to command respect, something the bald community has gone too long without. With the Bezos cut, bald people will nail their big presentations and get the big promotion they’ve dreamt of their entire lives.
#3 The Globe
According to a study by the University of Pennsylvania, bald men are perceived to be more attractive, confident, and dominant than their hairy counterparts. With all of these positive traits, it’s a travesty that no haircut emphasizes these qualities for bald people. Until now. Introducing: The Globe cut. With 50% more intensification on the gleam to demonstrate confidence and dominance, the Globe cut isn’t just a measly haircut, it’s a statement that brings together the bald community. It symbolizes the factions of bald people globally, divided by distance but united by haircut. The isolation of the bald will be a thing of the past as the Globe cut will unify the bald world by emphasizing its most defining traits.
#4 The Egg
Out of all the haircuts discussed in this article thus far, the Egg cut is by far the most intricate. The rigorous snipping and rinsing required for the Egg cut must be done with the same fervent love a mother hen raises her eggs with (hence the name). The passion and dedication to the craft will shine through (and off) the perfectly toned curvature of the skull, allowing the bald community to feel some of the much-deserved love they’ve been kept away from their entire lives.
The enlightenment of the mind is never an easy process to undertake, as new ideals conflict with the old. With this article, I hope to shed some light on the bald community to give them the recognition they deserve. But seeing as they’ve been oppressed by naysayers stating that “bald people don’t have hair for haircuts,” it’s an uphill battle. As this article concludes, I thank you, the reader, for internalizing the change we need in the hair community. I implore you to share this with every bald person you meet to spread awareness about this pressing issue in our society.
