HANDY LEFTY: Tonight, is the high-stakes showdown here in Washington (the state) between Vice-President Fox Plush and Former President Cat Plush. Their first face-to-face meeting is in this presidential election. Their first face-to-face meeting ever. I’m Handy Lefty and thank you for tuning in tonight!
HANDY RIGHTY: I’m Handy Righty. Let’s not drag this any further. The Handy News Presidential Debate starts right now. Please welcome your candidates, Cat Plush and Fox Plush!
CAT: (meows)
FOX: (handshakes Cat Plush and nods head)
HL: Welcome to you both. It’s an honor to have you both here tonight.
HR: Good evening, we are looking forward to a spirited and thoughtful debate.
HL: Alright let’s start. I want to begin tonight with the issue voters repeatedly say is their number one issue, the economy and the cost of living in this country. Fox Plush, how will you fix the economy and lower the cost of living?
FOX: (shrugs)
HR: So you’re suggesting that raising the minimum wage requirement and hitting the economy with a wrench could be effective ways to solve this massive issue? Interesting decision. Cat Plush, you’re up next.
FOX: (confused)
CAT: (meows)
HL: Cat Plush, I’m not sure what “National Cat Day” has to do with fixing the economy.
CAT: (meows)
HL: …hm, alright. If you say so, Cat Plush.
HR: I want to turn to the issue of climate change. The question to you both tonight is what would you do to fight climate change? And Fox Plush, we’ll start with you.
FOX: (vague arm and head gestures)
HL: Mmm, I agree. Funding clean energy research and focusing more on renewable energy are definitely good ways to tackle climate change, thank you, Fox Plush. Cat Plush, you’re up-
CAT: (meows)
HL: …Apologies, I’m not sure I heard that right. Did you say you will “eat the sun?”
CAT: (enthusiastic nods)
HR: Forgive me for not understanding, but how exactly will you eat the sun?
CAT: (meows and opens mouth wide)
HL: Handy Righty, I don’t think you are asking the right questions. Cat Plush, why would eating the sun help fight the issue of climate change?
CAT: (meows)
HR: “If there’s no sun, then there is nothing warming the globe?”
CAT: (meows and nods)
HL: Alright, but won’t that lead to other problems? For example, won’t the Earth quickly become uninhabitable due to the sun not being able to provide us heat if you eat it?
CAT: (meows)
HR: “I would put it back after a while?” How would you replace the sun-
CAT: (manifests a ball of light from the void)
HL: …you know what, I suggest we all take a short 15 or so break. Sorry folks but tune in after the break for the rest of this debate, unless we get canceled.
[HL and HR leave]
CAT: …(looks at Fox Plush and tilts head)
FOX: …(looks at Cat Plush)
CAT: Friendship?
FOX: YES.
[And then they were friends :D]
