Here at the Catamount, we like to give the opportunity for students to answer absolutely normal survey questions in the most absurd, witty or straight up weird way they can! Fill out the survey below with the funniest answers you can muster for a chance to be featured in the next edition of Dead Letters!  

https://forms.gle/mfFdSDchjrpuV5Rj8

Meanwhile, here are some results from the last survey:

1) BEES…

“Use hairdryers.”

“Invented the sun.”

“Are actually small government cameras that go around stinging the unworthy with a serum that makes them rethink their life choices.”

Disclaimer: Most of these statements are not factual or have any evidence supporting them. (So don’t try to use them in your persuasive essay or whatever.)

“According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyways. Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.”

2) What do you do when you’re inside a closet, that you’ve been stuck inside for several years and need immediate help with?

“The first thing that popped into my head was “come out” but idk if that’s a good answer so…”

“……Call 911?”

“I ask to go to narnia”

Disclaimer: We are not responsible for anything that occurs as a result of the above statements. Remember: this entire article is a joke, so when you don’t appear in narnia, don’t come complaining to us. 

“Since you’ve been in a closet for so long, you should be able to connect with your inner sock and transform into a piece of clothing. Then, overthrow the linen society and colonize the sun”

3) What war was in 1812?

We got a bunch of answers for this one, but only one of them was funny.

“Your MOM was in 1812”

(In my opinion.)

4) Have you ever questioned the purpose of our existence?

“every other total lunar eclipse”

“Absolutely! The answer is that we are all fictional characters who think we are in control of our own lives, but we’re not. There is an author out there with a giant pen dictating our lives. Our lives are made into story collections that people read on another dimension.”

That’s…. oddly specific.

“Have you ever existed the purpose of questioned? I think not”

“What if the purpose of our existence . . . is to question the purpose of our existence?”

“Yep, especially when I see my neighbor arguing with a tree about land ownership”

5) What Letter is Dead?

“Yours”

“All Letters are dead, they were never alive”

“Z is dead because it stands for ‘zombie’ and also because literally no one cares about it.”

The letter Z feels very offended by this statement.

Let us know what your favorite response was in the comments!

Don’t forget to participate in the next edition:

https://forms.gle/mfFdSDchjrpuV5Rj8