Hello and welcome to the Catamount Dead Letters, a section of the Litterbox where we put some of the funny answers we’ve gotten in the student surveys we send out before every issue is published.

Now, of course, there are a couple of things to keep in mind before you read this.

1. Please continue to take the student surveys seriously. Your opinions as a student body really matter to us, and help assist us in procuring accurate information.
2. We will not do this again this year, so if you were planning on sending in a funny survey answer in hopes of it being published in the paper, then you may as well give up now, because it’s not going to happen.

So, please, with those things in mind, enjoy this new section of the Litterbox!

Question: What makes you happy? (3 words or less)

— Finger snapping

Nathan, no.

— When you first peel of the plastic covering on a shiny surface such as a phone, also, I can’t count

I wonder how many screen protectors you’ve bought.

— Ducks, food, and existence

Got any grapes?

— Having bathroom doors!!!

Be prepared for a very sad school year, then.

Question: How does your family/your culture celebrate this time of year? Please let us know if you have a unique tradition you’d like us to recognize!

— Sit around a fire and finger snap together

Nathan, I said no.

— My family has fairly traditional Christmas celebrations. During the holidays something that really brings me joy is having doors on my bloody bathroom. Does privacy mean nothing to you people? I mean, who in their right mind writes “This is not really a huge problem because while it does indeed negate privacy, I don’t think that people should be worried unless they are trying to vape.”

I’m feeling a bit of a tingle of deja vu…

Question: Introducing: our advice column! Any questions for upperclassmen about their time at Bothell, or even high school in general? Your question may be responded to in the next issue of the paper!

— Dude like why is the Catamount always so liberal? I mean, get some Republicans in here so not everything is for brain dead people.

Join the Catamount then, if you want your very non-liberal opinons to be heard! Show us “brain dead people” your ways of wisdom, my Republican friend.

— I know the earth is flat but my question is, how flat is it?

Okay, so you know 8.5×11 pieces of paper, right? Crumple it up, and there’s your answer.

— Stop producing this liberal biased garbage

No.

Question: What quality do you think makes a good teacher?

— A couple of atoms and some personality

Aw rats, we’re just off by around 7 billion billion billion.

— Not being cranky

We’re teenagers, being cranky is kind of a given for our teachers.

— Intelegence and common sense

Hopefully their intelligence will have a positive impact on you.